"Speak Softly": The Amoeba Whisperer!

[GoatGal]

Matt,

You described it perfectly.
The 20+ years, the decent person who suddenly decides we are the source of all their unhappiness.

My H seems to think he finally realized that his big mistake was that he "married the wrong person", and after six therapy sessions, came to the clear understanding that he finally needed to be "brave enough" to "rectify that mistake."

Thank you "THERAPY".

And yes, years ago he was on his high horse about this or that person who cheated---at WORK no less--*GASP*!!!--- and how pathetic and disgusting it was for middle-aged men to chase around females their daughters' ages while they had a lovely wife at home, his relationship with her the subject of envy.

"She's such a peach! He is so lucky...what the hell is he doing?"

Yup. I've heard it.
And now they're saying these things about him. He doesn't even see himself as the creepy 60--something hitting on his young employees.

In his mind, HE is not like "THOSE guys".

I guess that's how they all feel inside. It is totally inappropriate, yes. But not for THEM. Somehow their circumstances are special.

"Yes, I know you're attractive and everyone seems to love you. But I just don't feel that way and I don't remember ever feeling "in love/attracted to/happy with you." "I married you because I'm a 'caretaker' (CO-DEPENDENT!!) and you were too needy to leave. And I'm so loyal and devoted, I stayed with you all these (miserable) years because I didn't want to hurt you and you needed me so much."
"But I've given you EVERYTHING. Now it's time for me to be happy. I've sacrificed all these years to you out of duty, but I'm tired and I want time for me."

"And no, the fact that I really started to feel this way about you when I started boffing OW has absolutely nothing to do with my feelings. She was not a cause, just a symptom. I've always felt this way about you."


I'll agree with one thing. OW was not a 'cause'.
MLC was!!!!


But seriously? Needy and dependent are two words never attached to my name.
And I know I'm fun and warm hearted and attractive. I don't need his validation for that either.

You so right, Matt. If I told him he'd ever be acting this way he would have said I was nuts.

As it stands, many of our friends have tried to "talk sense into him" when they saw the divorce notice in the paper. Mostly buddies his same age who made stupid mistakes themselves and totally regret it.

Well, he doesn't hang out with his friends anymore, and when I run into them they tell me he won't even return their calls.

Hmmmm. Probably because he KNOWS he'll get an earful of REALITY CHECK and he doesn't want to hear it!

These are the same guys over the years who have consistently said:
"Dude!! What did you ever do to deserve GG? She's so much younger, adorable, such a sweetheart.."

His reply now?
"Well, they don't know how horrible it is to live with you."

I guess when I'm asleep I turn into a werewolf or something.

I just have to keep laughing at this for the farce it is.

To do otherwise would be to allow that crazy little worm into my brain...


----GGG