Yesterday's post should not have happened. I was hurting and alone. Is there some way to delete it?
I just don't know how to proceed.
He doesn't want counseling. He isn't willing to change. He is making demands for a fix. He won't tell, or show, me that he wants me. Of course, he won't tell me he wants out either.
It hurts to continue on this way, but I don't want to walk away. I don't see things working well until he stops drinking, and I'm not sure that will happen. I don't think he sees it as a problem.
Where do I start? If I spend all my time on myself, I'm still being neglected, which is what is hurting most. I only have a good 4-5 hours of productivity during the day, if that. Everyday I have to make a choice of what I'll be doing. If I choose to exercise, that is my day. If I choose to take care of paperwork/finances/phone calls, that is my day. If I choose to clean the house, that is my day. If I choose to run errands, or if I have appointments, that is my whole day. This is now how my life is. I've gone from someone who could go from 6 a.m. till 11 p.m. every day to being someone who is limited.
How am I suppose to do all this by myself? I want my marriage back, but he is so stubborn and I'm not sure I have the strength to fight for it all by myself.
M - 48, H - 50 M - 30, T - 33.5 D - 27, D - 26 S - 30
