Dealing with WAW Part 3

[25yearsmlc]

25,

You said this in a prior post to me.

Is it now ALL about the EA/PA she had or might have had? (I love that you have no proof an OM still exists at all, but are planning on conditions that need to be met by her, while not discussing any of this....more of the same old poor communications).

I think you may have my situation confused. There is proof OM exists.

No, I recall your situation and the facts about the parking lot.

But You have been unclear about what you think actually happened and you have given her some odd options in terms of "confessing" versus a divorce.


You are not sure it was a PA or an EA and you are not sure if you could get past it based on what you think your conditions would be, for your wife. But she is not here trying to save the marriage; she's not sure she wants to...


And I think that's a problem. YOU are supposedly working on saving the marriage but you have several contingencies on HER end, that you want fulfilled,

whereas I think your time ought to be spent just working on you and staying in your own sandbox. Pilot you really do have your own "stuff" to deal with.


I even caught them together in a parking lot. She would go to his house after she got off work around 10PM and stay there till after midnight. This went on for a couple of months that I was aware of. The EA was there. The PA I have no proof of, and have always referred to it as unconfirmed. Her position is nothing physical ever happened. Maybe maybe not.


To me, your next sentence sounds like a sentence from a prosecuting attorney, not a spouse who wants to own his role in the marital crisis, and or lovingly restore his marriage. You sure that is what you want? I sense a desire to make her pay...as for all these details you say you want, be careful what you wish for.

I can't think of anyone glad to know all the details. Not one.


The circumstantial evidence points to a PA, but at this point, short of her acknowledging one, I will never have any evidence of a PA during the previous months.

Anyways, I am re reading all of your replies and finding new nuggets of knowledge and insight I missed the first time around. Just clarifying above...

Thanks again for everything...and for your patience with my stubborn self.

You're welcome. Hey Pilot, seriously,

If I were you, I'd read up and ask your pastor a LOT re forgiveness. It's NOT something the other person must ask for.

You are not forgiving as a favor to THEM,

it's NOT about them or for them at all

(they do not even have to know if you forgive them!)

but it is a favor to yourself.

Scripturally, I thought we were supposed to forgive 7 x 70 times... With those numbers, I'm sure each party did NOT have to FIRST ask us to do so.

It's so much easier to forgive when asked; it's much more of a challenge to forgive to free yourselves and NOT hold onto the anger.

Holding onto pain to punish someone else, (which is what you really are doing if you say you won't forgive until/unless someone asks you to),

is like lighting yourself on fire, --

--

to get smoke in their eyes...

Forgiveness frees YOU to love others and yourself more,

it frees up space in your heart and mind for things OTHER than a grudge and resentment.