Wife moved out need help!!!

[25yearsmlc]

I have it and am going to read it tonight. 25 I have not said anything to her about the lies, it is just bothering me. I am trying to help her and give her space this was a really good weekend for us and that's what I'm trying to do. Not push her and to see what she needs and wants. My problem is that she will go and do anything I suggest but I don't know if I am helping her.

I THINK You said you thought she wanted to be included more in decision making, correct? And if all the fun things are done while she's at work, maybe delay some so she's not given the cold shoulder when she wants to take the kids to the park, for instance.

You could ask her for her input more. And then you don't have to keep guessing if she wants/needs what you are putting out there. That would talking about something important without specifically making it R talk; just ask her for how she feels about THAT day's plans. Make sense?

I just try to make each day better then the next.

^^ a tall order if taken literally. Let her go at her own pace. You know you've made mistakes, and she's not nagging you to work on them. I get the feeling that she has been feeling undue pressure by being the sole breadwinner, especially b/c it's without much of an outlet or time for her to GAL. Just a guess but a strong one based on things you say she has said.

She is going to be in London this week so we will have some distance and space. She emailed me when she landed and said she will call once she is settled in the hotel.

I know I have to be patient it's just hard trying to understand this woman

A tough lesson I learned is that I had to accept things my h had done, which I do not understand. I still cannot understand his choice to live, alone, in Alaska. But he did that. Then he came back. I accept that it happened and that I do not understand it. So, it's possible you may have to do the same.

Of course, knowing what YOU can do to best support her and express your love for her, is key. You have to understand her, to a point, to do that. And that will require some communications. But don't assume you can or will or must understand her fully.

Plus, we all change and evolve anyhow. What is true for us today, may not be tomorrow. It's an ebb and a flow kind of thing; much like marriage can be.

who I have been with longer than I haven't. I know she is giving me and our family a chance I am just very scared I am going to blow it.

If you are afraid you are going to blow it, tell me HOW that might happen.

Detail your fears here. See if we can help you avoid some of the pratfalls you fear.

And keep this simple. You do what works or at least does not hurt anything. And you do NOT do what has harmed the R in the past; including pressing her for information.

I also think white lies or lies that don't matter and that she says b/c she doesn't want the world to know how dysfunctional she was being for awhile, is not something you ought to press.

I'd leave that alone, big time. Ask yourself why you are so insistent on getting her to admit it. Do you think you might have the need to over talk things and or, to "win" arguments?

I'm being sincere. It's just that you keep saying you "know you shouldn't care BUT" and then you repeat that it bothers you. As if bothering you means that you must DO something. A lot of things can bother you that you can still leave alone.

Maybe That's part of the patience trait you want to work on, yes?

Sometimes the most loving to say, is nothing.