"Speak Softly": The Amoeba Whisperer!

[GoatGal]

AJM,

I appreciate your response but I'm not sure I completely understand it.

(Hey, I'm sleep deprived so at this point a lot is going over my head.)

But I'll try to answer what I think you're asking.

I say I "mostly" I avoid him because it's hard to be around someone who is doing the things he's going.
He is doing things which are hurtful to me, he's made decisions and taken actions which I cannot respect.
I can't always be upbeat around him because of this.
I find myself less angry and hurt by him these days, yet more annoyed and disgusted by his behavior.

I have trouble accepting his utter lack of integrity, loyalty, care and concern for us which is minimal at best, if he "feels like it."

I don't have people in my life who act like he does. I have no need for them.
He's not likeable, he lies constantly, he is like a pod-person.

I can't stand being around that except for short bursts.

So that's "mostly". The other part is that I am just happier on my own without having to deal with his "issues" and walk on eggshells around him.

Being out of his target range has helped me detach dramatically.
I can focus on myself and my own happiness.

But I do not like this man he's become. I don't want him, I don't need him.
He is the only person in my life who treats me like something he's been trying really hard to scrape off his shoe.

Somebody tell me why I need that?


If I believed that he would forever be this way, I'd be gone in a flash.
Many times I've thought I was DONE.
Then I see just a little glimmer of the old H, like when we talked on the phone.

I KNOW he loves me. I know he always did. I did nothing to drive him away...
It's hard to stand by and have him treat me as the enemy, blaming me, actively trying to replace me with some ridiculous fantasy rather than deal head on with his issues.
It hurts that after almost 30 years together he thinks so little of me that he took off his wedding ring, emailed me that he wanted to end our marriage, refused to discuss it or resolve it, and is embarrassing himself publicly be chasing women young enough to be his grandchildren, while telling me that I'm just not "attractive" to him.... and more.

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So I know I missed what you were getting at, maybe you can help me by clarifying a bit?

I am grateful you took the time to post on my thread. Sorry if I'm a bit dense at the moment.

---GGG