So here's where I'm at tonight and I need some thoughts on it....
For the most part things are positive. H met up with his friend who he started the initial company with and is at current awful place with. They talked about starting something up again on their own and H is really excited ( texted me at midnight last night on way home- good things- wanted to share with me).
Today he came over and we had some intimacy time that was great. Part of our SSM history were my issues, but he also got into a juvenile way of seeing sex and women and that impacted us significantly. I see him being more loving and connected which is really great. After we spent time just snuggling ( I had so been needing that- yay!) during that he just out of the blue says- I'm sorry I'm so crazy. I said it's ok, glad your job is becoming something you're excited about- that will be good for you.
Rest of day was back and forth us splitting up with various kids to get errands done. This weekend when I'm at girls time and younger kids are going to the beach with friends- H is going to take s16 for a fun weekend of ATVing so he was getting that all ready. All in all quite good.
So here's the part I'm having mixed feelings about and might need a mild smack upside the head. H's lease is up beginning of Oct. He has realized he made a poor choice renting a huge house and was considering a smaller house to rent. Then today he was talking about how he might not have much of an income for awhile as he starts up the business, and will probably need to look at something smaller, and needs to figure out health insurance etc. I told him he's still on my insurance ( since he filed for D but hasn't moved forward I haven't pulled him off my health plan and as long as we are married I don't mind carrying that. He has health issues that can't go without meds). I also said I would help him find an apt if he wanted. What I was hoping he might say is he wants to move back. Part of me is not sure the timing is correct though as he just in the last few weeks seems to be emerging from the tunnel bit by bit. I don't think he's ready to commit and may not ever be- though I'm hopeful. I get the sense sometimes that he wants to prove to himself he can make it on his own ( hasn't asked me for any money) but other times it seems he makes the comments about " being broke for awhile until business takes off" and " having no income" likes he's leaving an opening for me to make an offer. So what I thought I would do is bring up a middle ground- since our oldest will be back at college then I was going to offer for him to stay in S19 room ( maybe even rent it if he feels he needs to contribute) until he gets the business up and running and can get his own place. That way I'm not assuming he will just stay forever and it gives him an option and an out. I feel like at one point I sent him back in the tunnel a bit from pressure even when I didn't realize I was placing it, so I'm treading lightly. But in this case I really do just want to help him. With a little hope but no expectations that he might eventually decide he likes home the best.
Input ( and smacks) appreciated....
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
