WAH with OW/EA - advice wanted! :)

[LisaB]

Hi cq1, thanks for sharing that, I have seen it before. Great stuff. Hope you are doing well.

Just updating and journaling and rambling here. Not feeling so great lately. My PMA is in the trash, I'm confused and sad and don't know which way to go.

In some ways I think my situation might be improving. The WAH is messaging me daily, always finding an excuse to stay in contact. And he also asked to meet up for a drink. (which we have not done yet as I am all booked up right now)

But though there are seeming signs of progress with my H reaching out and wanting to connect, I feel more and more disconnected, hopeless and sad.

He messages me daily with some tidbit of information or a question. I usually wait a while to reply and keep it short and simple. I mostly let him lead the convo and don't ask questions. I have been friendly but casual. Sometimes being funny. We typically have a short exchange of messages sometimes spread over a few hours and then one of us will stop responding, usually me. About half the time his last reply is "haha" or something like that.

At first I was pleased that he contacts me daily, wants to meet. But then lately I just wonder if it is not because he misses me but because he thinks we are friends and is just being friendly. Or that he feels guilt for how SH!TTY he has treated me and wants to be friendly to make up for it.

I am wondering if maybe I am being a doormat. He and I were a terrific couple up to about 1 month before BD. I believe that the OW caught his eye and turned his head around. His interest in her is likely what made him realize he was unhappy with me. But then he started up an EA with her (lying and sneaking around) and then moved out and started sleeping with her immediately. I don't know if he is still seeing her or not. I suspect so because it would be logical. So my question is: if I be nice to him now over message or agree to see him, am I just being a doormat? That he doesn't deserve it? But what about DB principles? Shouldn't I be nice and cool?

I don't want to be the #2 backup or best buddy to talk to when he is bored. But since I found out about OW mostly by snooping, I can't exactly confront him. I'm very angry with him but I feel I have no way to tell him that, and I feel very insecure about what he is up to with OW, and why he is still talking to me. And DB says not to discuss all this anyway, right?

Final point: one of his criticisms of me when he left was that I was too nice, too complimentary and too easy-going. He said he wanted more of a challenge and someone to inspire him to try harder in the R. I was too happy with him...

Can one of the vets or someone, anyone give me some feedback or advice? I know I am mind reading and need to detach and calm down and all that... But I am having a hard time doing it at the moment.

Hugs,
Lisa