Wife moved out need help!!!

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks I tried to go to sleep it had been such a great day. I feel as though we are working through this. She knows how I feel and she keeps making time for us to be together.

IF so, then keep doing what you are doing and NOT pushing for more. Unless you mean digging deep within yourself, which I don't hear that much of...can you elaborate on what YOU believe you must work on, specifically?


I know this is going to take time but it's hard not talking about anything that matters with her.

Time together without conflict, is a great gift. Enjoy it and build on it.

Let her learn to feel relaxed around you. - To enjoy your company and not feel as if she must give you something. Let her just BE for now.


I should just be happy with any and all progress it's just hard not being able to talk and touch my W like I could two months ago.

Yes you should be happy with any and all progress. Most people here would be.


She's not ready to talk. That means one thing, & one thing only-- you have to STFU.

Sorry, but it's true. The ability to NOT always ask of someone (which is you making a demand of her) is mandatory. In a way, it seems like a really small thing she is "asking" for, which is just peace and to be left alone.

What are her love languages? Have you read the 5 LL"s? I can't recall if you discussed it here or if it was another thread. But it's very important to realize how empty her love bank was/is and how you can better fill it.

Though she sounds very depressed -- she also sounds as if she's perking up a bit, SO back off and let her keep opening up.

Also, the reference to her "lies" seems a bit too much to me. Her lies seem innocuous. Why must you press her on them?

If I read them correctly, it's not like she's covering up anything but her sadness and inertia, right? She wants to look okay In "public"--- she wants to seem more functional than she has been lately.

So what good would it do to point out that she has not been so functional?

Seems to me that pointing it out would be humiliating for her, and shame inducing. Why would you want to do that?

Also, For the record (not saying You are doing this...) guilt and shame never bring a spouse home permanently.

I mean, I have never seen it.

I HAVE seen guilt get converted into blaming the source of the guilt, like a betrayed spouse who keeps throwing an affair into the face of the adulterer, does NOT get to keep doing it for long. The wayward spouse will begin to feel as if they were justified to cheat b/c their spouse is so unkind to them, so judgmental, so unforgiving and angry, etc. They will blame the spouse they cheated on.


I see that a lot. Plus, most people can only handle feeling guilt or shame for so long.

sure I like to think a conscience motivates one to change, and ideally that is true. But when another person SHOVES the cause of guilt in their faces, it backfires.

I'm just saying, pick your battles wisely, and decide how important this really is. And be ready for blowback that could push you backwards in your progress, a lot more than you expect.

I hope you will look in your area for Retrovaille, as I believe you'd get a LOT out of it.

Also I'm convinced that without some new tools and deeper analysis, you'll be here again in awhile, b/c I don't believe keeping on top of a clean house is the main problem.

GOOD LUCK!!