But it's hard to get around the sense that I' using going dark as a punishment for things he does, when it's mostly because I disgusted and don't want to look at or talk to him.
"Mostly"? You're talking about an overly sensitive person that has hurt you, is punishing himself already, and may very easily be punishing himself more than you ever could. If you tried. A man who can "feel" what's going on between you on top of whatever is going on with himself.
What does "mostly" mean to you? What might it mean to somebody who amplifies everything as it is?
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Oh, and of course H still loves you. This crisis was never about you or the M.
Yep. Try not to forget that bit. No matter what he's done or says, what was between you was real. You can't just walk away from that untouched, no matter how you make it look or how alien you might have become. You may give yourself permission to walk away. To cheat. To lie. To blame. But in the end, the lying, anger, etc? That's not about your spouse and somewhere deep down you know that.
If you're an MLCr, you will end up processing that for a very long time. On the outside, things may appear serene, happy, etc, but inside... well, you have seen how these things really are.
Re-examine that bit about "mostly" and see what's left to deal with there. You do not need to be holding on to that kind of stuff if you're going to be a lighthouse. It'll just darken your light. Or at least dim it. AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
