So I wrote a very loooong post after that one, and somehow lost it before I could submit it. I don't think I can muster the energy to redo it. But I will try to take the most important part. I think you may have misunderstood a few things in DBing, which many do. You are under lots of stress and taking in a lot of information.
You have to realize that there are some things you do or don't do following the bomb. You stop pursuing, pleading, pressuring, etc. You stop with the R talks. But when you have detached from the WAW (and in your case, seperated) and then later there is an apparent shift in things that cause you to think there could be a reconciliation........then of course you need to discuss things such as if OM is still in the picture! You can't start to reconcile without discussing these important issues.
Frankly, I think you handled the dinner with your W.....and the "after dinner" thing almost perfectly. I loved how you didn't cave to the chance for a kiss and chose to quickly do something else. We could speculate why she was so friendly and cozy, if it was temp checking or to see if she could have you eating out of her sexy little hand, or if she was seeing if she could feel sparks. It is common to read about WAW's doing it. Many LBH'S think his W is reaching out or it's a signal that she wants more. They act on it too soon. But it's more important to just not make more of it than it was. I believe not putting any moves on her was exactly the way to go that night.
It would have been okay to return a compliment, when she was so freely giving them to you. As long as it did not hint toward a sexual content, and would be something you would tell most any lady. Just don't over-kill or do it trying to score brownie points.
I think you were attractive to her, acting all confident and smooth. Smiling at times and not responding with an answer. I look for her to pursue a little more when you go see her.
When it's time to go visit her and check out the schools, get a hotel room. Make reservations now, so you can tell her you already have a room......if she should invite you to stay with her. Do not even act as if you assumed you'd stay with her! Don't make this more than what it is. Take it slow and stay steady. You are there to check out the schools.
If and when the day comes, and she is steering the conversation about making a decision of her moving there and living with you.....then be upfront and tell her very calmly thar you won't do anything until you know where you stand. Knowing if she still contacts OM is important to the decision of R. If she is still contacting him, then you pretty much have your answer.
Learn to stay in the middle of the road. Don't swerve either direction until you can see what's approaching.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
