"Speak Softly": The Amoeba Whisperer!

[GoatGal]

Thanks ForeverYoung.

That made me feel better this morning.

I think going dark was a necessity for my detaching and I still feel pretty detached even now. I was annoyed and a bit obsessive about the online dating profile he posted and almost all of what he wrote in it; but the difference is that I didn't get angry or emotionally upset.

I just kept running it around in my head like a puzzle, looking for clues.

I also realized that I pretty much have been outright rejecting him when I pulled back; avoiding him in person, conversations very brief, no comm except if he asks a direct question.

I did it for me because I needed some space to sort out my emotions, but it seems to have had the effect of negating most of the closeness we'd developed.

I wanted him to see what life would be like without me and I got a few answers as to how he feels about that.

He wants to be in a R.
He thinks I'm done with him.
He thinks I am moving away. (Only if we divorce, so he has control over that of which he might not be aware.)
He is "trying not to bother me" since now he really has no right to act to buddy-buddy.
(Based on prior incidents where me avoiding him made him politely offer to "come home later" so I wouldn't have to see him bc i'd already be in my room. )

I said awful things to him since dDay.

No doubt he thinks I hate him, and some days that's true.

So----------

I have to be friendlier and more available, just make 100% sure it can not be construed as pursuit.

But if neither of us makes steps to come closer, we'll end up at a standstill.

I'll hold my line at crossing my boundaries.
But it's hard to get around the sense that I' using going dark as a punishment for things he does, when it's mostly because I disgusted and don't want to look at or talk to him.

So I'll keep busting on....

---GGG

PS: Last night was GAL heaven. My DJ sets went great, lots of ego boosts during the dances, and the boy-toys were left on the dance floor where they belong.