Coming up on two years later, I came back here to reflect on what happened. I can say that being "done" was the right decision. She was done before I found out about her affair and all of the blaming and excusing that she did afterward and in couples therapy was just to make herself feel better about her betrayal.
We stopped sharing custody of our dog as was prescribed in the divorce agreement and I ended up getting a new dog to fill that void. Severing that tie was painful be necessary. However, I have yet to achieve full detachment, which does not come easily after 20 years. Seeing her and her affair partner still bothers me very much. She moved in with him and they are still living together as of July 2014. I hope that someday I'll see them and feel absolutely nothing at all. I am looking forward to creating more distance by selling "our" house (now mine) and moving to a place where people don't know me in the context of my marriage or worse, its dissolution.
My "baggage" has made the formation and fostering of new relationships very challenging. I've lucky to have found someone communicative and patient during this time. Every day beings new challenges and it takes a lot of hard work to reengage without fear dominating. I am spending less time in therapy now and reading Lisa Arends has been helpful. She experienced something similar and writes about it in her book "Lessons From the End of a Marriage" and in a variety of online publications.
In all, I would say that despite the popular adage, time does not "heal all wounds". Rather, time makes more space for that healing to take place and distance helps that healing take place with greater perspective.
Everyone deserves peace, love, and respect - and I wish that for you all.
Me:40 EX-WAW:39 M:9 T:19, No Kids EA/PA with co-worker started: 9/24/12 - ongoing ILYBINILWY, S:9/25/12 MC 9/12-12/12 D: 9/13/13
