Remember "act as if"...act like you and H are reconciling.
I think your transparency plan made a lot of sense BEFORE you received the news that the OW was moving to the office. Then it will have to be modified to suit the reality on the ground: minimize contact at the office. I mean, it is unavoidable that there will be work meetings or work groups.
Of course, it will stir up feelings in H and he is correct in that he's not sure how he'll react to having OW in the office. Let him process this news and it will take time for this to settle down.
For this reason, I would give H some room to figure this out himself and allow him to come up with solutions. Again, as I said before, you don't want to have H on a too short leash...that is a very fast way to build up resentment in him because he'll perceive it as control and he'll bolt.
Originally Posted By: mdu
option #1). Essentially Train's plan. Say nothing about OW, keep things light and easy. Spend fun, flirty time with H in an effort to reattract him. Given this will likely be very tough for me to STFU about OW, especially since she will be in the office with him starting next week, I will try this for one week and reassess. For support to help keep me on track I have both a DBing and an IC appointment next week and, of course, I will post here constantly
This is a good plan and it has been working all along.
It is very CRITICAL that you maintain control of your emotions otherwise it'll all come flooding out of your mouth inappropriately and it'll set you back. [Notice that I did not say suppress or deny your emotions for they are there.] You want H to feel COMFORTABLE around you knowing that you'll not go off on him at every event, phone call, or other encounter. That's a big, total turn-off in even good marriages.
No more interrogations! Tattoo that in your brain, MDU.
I am encouraged that you're seeking another IC next week and I do sincerely hope she/he is a solutions-based therapist who can assist you in understanding and managing your anger.
