Wife walked aways (two months ago now) new thread

[BigMac]

I need your guys help and advice discussing the OP with my W and some challenges that happened last night.

I've been working through the process of detaching, including traveling to the new town for the past couple days checking out neighborhoods and getting comfortable with the new city. It turns out that I absolutely love the new city and am really excited about living there.

While you can see on the board that I am cycling, I have been making real progress on dealing with things. This trip was actually key to that. I keep feeling that everything is out of my control, and I need to keep getting my life back on track.

So here is my question. My W still hasn't admitted that she is in a R with the OP. She has been hiding that, and a couple other things from me, her family and our friends.

The last couple interactions with her she has been very tense, including the lunch she invited me to yesterday where she was visibly grimacing at the beginning.

Last night, she called me up furious because my MIL thought I insulted her (she is watching the kids, I came home and found my D16 smoking weed, and my S8 watching it and seeing MJ edibles out on the counter. I told the MIL that I didn't think that was appropriate and took the stuff and threw it away. My MIL called the W telling her that I demeaned her and was talking to her like a child).

The W calls up furious, demanding that I apologize to the MIL. I defaulted into the afraid of the W's anger and placating. I should have just stayed quiet and took it, though this was the first time that the W has outwardly been hostile angry since the first week or two after separation.

One thing I noticed is that as the R with the OP gets more serious, the tension from the W gets higher and higher. Knowing my W very well, it's because she is guilty and afraid. She tends to withdraw and get very angry at me when she is hiding something. (and she is currently hiding credit card she opened (and blew up) as well as the R with the OP.

So, the advice I am looking for.

I want to tell her this -

I've known about known about the OP, and the CC. While I am not happy with a couple things, We both have a right to find happiness in whatever way we choose.

I choose to show compassion, and have empathy. I choose not to control her, because it only hurts me. I choose to remember the 14 years of friendship, and act as a friend first.

It's been really hard for me to find the confidence to go out alone, to start to be at ease with myself. If I was in her situation (a beautiful woman, in a new town without many past friends), I probably would have broke and found someone to hold me on those lonely nights.

The bottom line, we both deserve happiness, we both deserve the chance to find ourselves. I don't want either of us to have the added stress, and worrying about what will happen when the elephants in the room finally comes out. Lets just get it out, accept it for what it is and move on to working on our co-parenting skills and each of our personal happiness.

## end proposed W talk ##

So, is this a good way of dealing with it? I don't feel I should avoid it. As her R with the other person has heated up, she has both withdrawn from me (which is fine and appropriate, and will happen anyways) but more importantly has become a bit more hostile.

Looking for advice here before I act.

So yes, I don't like it. It hurt when I found out. I'm worried about how it will affect the kids. But being all stressed about it doesn't help anyone or anything.