1 step forward, 1000 steps back - part 2

[Maybell]

I'm sorry that's where you're at but I don't think it's totally bleak.

Also, thinking all this about his motives related to OW is not constructive. It's entirely possible that he wants to return to the family but doesn't trust himself around her. There are about a million other possibilities that could explain the messages he's sending. This is why mind-reading is so destructive.

I want to repeat how new your sitch is. It's only four months since BD! You still have a lot of roller coaster ride left. I've just passed the one year mark since BD, eighteen months since the beginning of my H's affair which only just ended apparently a couple of weeks ago. And he's only seen her in person four times.

Your H is going to go through this. It is going to stink. Do not make my mistake and try to keep him too close. Give him enough slack to find out what this would really be like. As long as no one is pursuing a divorce and your children and home are stable you have the gift of time. If those things change it will be clearer what your course of action should be. For now, your course of action is to loosen the rope and take care of yourself.

Labug told me recently that when her H went haywire she just removed him from her personal equation and let him "go on walkabout." That sounds like a good path for you, too. I have heard a lot about your anxieties but much less what kind of person you are, and who you want to be. This is an outstanding time to search that out. Your sitch is NEW. I didn't realize how new till today. Your story sounds really familiar. Don't make the mistakes I did. This could be really good for you.