1. He moved out quite recently. May 1st. But he's already spending a lot of time with you, planning dates, having fun, etc. I can't remember where I read the post, but it semis to me a while back that Sandi wrote about her experience as a WAW, that she initially came back out of a sense of duty, and that it took her quite a long time to feel 100% committed to the M. She was even a little resentful for a while. You seem to have an unusually bold squirrel, but... He's still a squirrel.
2. Your panic about OW is totally reasonable and understandable. If my H's co-worker OW so much as showed up in town for a conference, let alone moved into H's office, I'm not sure I'd be able to keep my s#!t together either. But as you can't do anything about it, it seems like you're going to have to find another way to cope.
3. You have one failed reconciliation after a brief separation under your belt. You haven't been separated that long and you've spent a lot of it reconnecting with H, which I know probably puts you into a very distracting tizzy. How much time have you really spent thinking about what YOU want from a relationship? I realize you're working on your anger issues and everything. But have you thought about what values and needs of yours weren't being met in the M? Because this isn't all about your anger and your H's A. Your anger came from someplace. Do you feel like you understand that piece?
4. If your financial needs are being met and your family is relatively stable for the moment, and you and your H are getting reacquainted, then what is the purpose in rushing that process? If taking your time and getting to a place where you both are mutually enthusiastic about being together increases the probability of not finding yourself in this place again, then why would you want to shortchange that?
I totally understand wanting to be through this stretch of the forest and seeing your family reunited. BELIEVE me, I do. But you are sounding a little controlling in wanting to force all this commitment and transparency on him and it seems to me that even the boldest squirrel would run off if you kept hurling the nuts at him like this. He has been tremendously generous (it sounds from here) in describing ways that he will distance himself from her. You can't keep him lassoed to your side, nor should you want to. That would be no fun, and would deprive you of the thrill of his company when it is given freely.
I'm rooting for you, MDU, and I appreciate your good advice to me for my lunch date yesterday.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
