Ok the coffee has not his the brain cells this morning!
In regards to my situation with boyfriend.
Im really having to rely on my gut feeling with this because My gut never steers me wrong.
I've too wondered if Im associating abuse with love. I've wondered if Im blinded by being in love again for the first time in over 20 years, and have lost my marbles temporarily. I've asked myself if this is some sort of rebound thing for me... but I had been alone for 2 years BY CHOICE until I met this man. I've wondered if I subconsciously have accepted something less than exceptional just to feel loved and have a soft place to fall.
Yet, if Im having the sense to ask these questions about myself, and still feel this bond with this man like I never felt with XH, that I can't deny, I feel Im right where I need to be with him. Why? I can't explain it. I feel like I've known him all my life, yet never have seen him in this lifetime. As with XH, I knew we would be married and have children the minute I met him, but a little voice said to me" this may not work out, but you must go forward with him anyway".
Then there are all the things about boyfriend that make me think and think and think some more! I love a man that has been on dialysis for 10 years, is physically weak, sick and drained all the time because of it, has one hell of a past, is a functional alcoholic, and has a verbal and mentally abusive temper. LOL... what a catch huh??? He lost his mother which is his best friend almost a year ago. I lost my mom which was my best friend 9 years ago. I understand fully the sadness and grief he's feeling. Im positive he's depressed and has been for years. And thanks to MLC we all know how men can handle depression!
He's been so open and honest with me about things on such an emotional intimate level, it's really changed my perspective on him as a person. Learning about him and who he is, and what things are like for him, puts me in an objective state of mind, and then gives me bottom lines.
And yet am I just hanging on to the "potential" he may have once he gets his transplant (which if he stays on track should be this next year)and feeling healthy again will change him as a person?
