She says she's conflicted (part 2)

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"You have some serious personal work to do and if you had done it before, maybe you would not be here. \"

This Is exactly what the Relationship Coach told me. She said the changes she noticed in me and the WW notices had I made them years ago, there would never have been an OM!

Which means OM is not the issue. Your work is. Focus only on YOUR WORK. Do you get that? I mean it, b/c I posted A LOT to you and I feel as if it went in one ear and out the other. Fwiw I can't spend that much time on a post if it is wasted and that's not a threat but just an observation.

so, What are you DOING to show that you are different? It's one thing to know what NOT to do, but a whole other thing to learn how healthy people react to stress. In other words, what TO do.

You seem to know you are not to blurt out in anger (though you still do rather frequently) but you do not know or have any positive married role models around.

You need some and you need new tools for communicating and in my opinion,

I think you need a new thought pattern. You come off as very negative and suspicious which is usually insecurity.

I suggest one easy and small thing to do is watch the TED TALK videos by Shawn Achor and Amy Cuddy. One is on positive psychology and how we say or view things really changes our lives

and Amy Cuddy's is on "faking it til you Become it" and both talks are about 20 minutes and interestingly presented and on youtube.

It's a start. I think if you start to follow some new behaviors rather than waiting to feel differently, the behaviors will do some of that for you. In other words you ca change how you feel inside by what you do outside, at times.

Otherwise we wait and wait for 'internal inspiration" to make the changes we need and that leads us to being stuck. Inertia is powerful and overcoming that, is a big part of our journey.

Check out those videos and let me know what you think. Feel free to reflect here on what you think you are hearing b/c I'd like to know if something is reaching you at a deep enough level.

Understand?

I so agree with you. What I realized it was like an epiphany was that I was looking for a magic bullet to help me win my WW back and chase the OM off. The magic bullet is me.
I need to make changes in who and what I am and these changes are all that I can control.
The past few days have been very peaceful. I am acting as if nothing is going on to me the wife going to meet OM has been relegated to going to meet a girlfriend.

I really focused on work this past week as well as myself preservation.
While I was out working I visited a couple of friends for lunch that happen to live near where my clients are located .
We talked about their lives and I never once discussed my situation.

I even took my mother to dinner and when she brought up my life and my WW I only talked about the family and the kids.

Don't think that your wasting your time do me that favor. I need as much support for the next two weeks and three weekends. This is the test god has handed me.

If I can really follow the 180 during this period and watch my anger and insecurities I believe that I will come out a better man on the other end.