I wan to go to therapy any kind to get her to talk to anyone about me her or the kids she will not go. I also agree that I think she is depressed but I can't make her do anything. At this point I am just trying to get her to the point where she is willing to talk. She doesn't drive because she just does not like to she has a license that was one of the problems I had with taking the kids to places with no help. Also the cleaning of the house was one of the things she had a problem with, I am very slowly learning of other problems that she had. I have made it a point of including her in a lot of decisions in the house, even if I get an I don't know I involve her more in the day to day running of the house. I know that she is deeply troubled and unhappy and I understand she needs help but she is intractable when it comes to talking to anyone about this. I told her that she didn't even have to talk about us but to talk about her and the kids.
As for my flaws the more she withdrew from the family the more responsibility I had to take. So she would say that I am controlling and dismissive of her feelings and opinions. I have raised 3 of our 4 boys as a stay at home dad and we talk a lot about their likes and dislikes. The boys will tell me things that they don't want to tell their mother. So when she asks me if they would like to do what she wants to do I would say probably not but you should ask them. She never does and thinks I am discounting her needs with the kids. So one of the changes I have started is when she asks what they want to do I say I don't know let's ask them.
I also got into the habit of telling lies just to avoid an argument. It was a juvenile way of handling our R but I did it. So I told her that I am going to be as honest with her as possible to earn back her trust. She said that she believes me and I am working very hard not to even have any statements I make be misunderstood or construed incorrectly. I more than understand my faults and what I did to lead my wife to these actions. I also understand it's going to take a long time for us to work through this. Right now I am just working for her to trust me enough to just tell me what is going on inside of her and to integrate her back into the family.
