So she met me and the kids at a big art festival she likes to go to every year. We had fun but then the kids started to be kids. Their behavior wasn't really bad but she started to get irritated by them and the noise so we left. She said that she was tired and just wanted to go home and sleep. It's still too early for her to try to discuss our R and I agree with you she is just confused to what it is she wants.
To me, she sounds clinically depressed. Before dismissing therapy or a workshop, b/c "she doesn't want to talk" inform her that at least at Retrovaille, she need say nothing in public.. It's not a touchy feely share all your emotions with strangers type of retreat. it's more contemplative and helpful and structured.
Plus it provides tools you need to work on your m better. I think you are glossing over things about "how she's confused". I mean she is deeply troubled and unhappy.
You need an engine overhaul, not a tune up. That begins with the diagnostic tests to know what to work on, so I would encourage you to explore pro marriage marriage counseling or Retrovaille (b/c that is very pro marriage, and some counselors are more like 'amicable divorce counselors" than marriage counselors).
Don't give up on the professional help so fast. I know it's risky b/c some of them rehash the past and enable people to leave their families, but if you don't get any professional help, I can't see this working for long.
I am concerned that you're sweeping the problems under the carpet by "cleaning the house", plus, she's very ripe for an affair, or a full blown MLC. Why doesn't she drive btw? Do you live in NYC? I wonder if her getting a driver's license would help her feelings of being trapped. I am serious. It's amazing b/c I had surgery in November on my right leg (driving leg) and hip and could not drive for 3 months. I got depressed even though I had drivers around
But I was trapped and at other people's mercy. Just a thought...and yes a very small "bandaid" for you to ponder.
What do you think SHE would say if she were asked to comment on your flaws, and if she didn't think you'd hear or argue with her?
I know this ^^is mind reading but I want to know what your best guess is AND what it is based on...
Ideas?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
