Hurt and Confused 2

[25yearsmlc]

so july 27th is our 13th wedding anniversary, should I go dark for the day?

Depends on whether anything weird happens between now and then but I think when there are children involved, AND you want a reconciliation, something like a picture of the kids you have, and a note with maybe some flowers (but not red roses) that says "It's still worth remembering"
and or "I will always be grateful for what our marriage produced"

and or "we did SOMETHING right"...along those lines.

Then sign your name only (no ILY) and be done. Expect nothing from her and I mean that; expect nothing. Not b/c she doesn't care; she clearly does.

She's concerned that you are NOT changing as she needed and wanted (hence all the momentary from her family to that effect).

I notice the family is not saying they don't believe her complaints, just that they simply think she's exaggerating. That means to me that there IS some validity to her complaints. Instead of getting mad at the comments, try to figure out the truth pieces in there. Consider yourself to be on a reconnaissance mission and gathering intel...okay? There are clues you need.

So, back to YOUR personal work, what is it? Are you getting counseling for it? I mean, how are you getting the tools to make the changes you want to make?

I get the feeling a lot of these alleged changes are superficial (definitely vague)

and her fear is likely that if she returns, you'll revert to the ways she finds unacceptable. That is the biggest fear most WAWs seem to have. You know she didn't feel you pulled your weight with the finances and as unfair and out of date as it may seem, most women do want their h's to be protectors and providers...sorry, (don't tell my feminist friends I said that... )

I read a study that said the 2 things most spouses want in their mates:

Husbands said "attraction" And the anthropologists said that's b/c men are visual and value the looks of their partner in a competitive trophy way,

AND they value 2) peace in the home.
(Seems like no nagging to me, but I'm not an anthropologist)

WIVES said the 2 traits they most valued in a mate were: 1) security (meaning physical and financial security...)

and 2) fidelity, which is self explanatory.

But in a way that's really a form of emotional security if you think about it.

What do you think?