We talked because she wanted to. She wanted the divorce. I said fine. I knew all along. Lets do it. Then a few hours past and she says she wants time for us still. I told her I know the ongoing A is still active. She denied that and lied to me again. On top of that she said she had promised the W of the OM that she will not talk or see OM. A fat out lie because they've been talking and secretly meeting up. Well, I am detaching at full force. The more lies she's throwing at me the easier it is. Simply, she's justifying my lost of trust to her and justifying why I shouldn't want to be with her.
In addition, she wants us both to be apart as much as we can so she can have more space in figuring out what she wants. I tell myself don't expect any hope or anything from this. However, the strong love I have for her keeps surfacing emotions of hope. What a mess. Anyone with suggestion, on how to handle this is much appreciated. Stay my courses, I am. Deep down, I don't want a divorce but really see now that I'm headed that way and accepting it the best I can. It's sad and scary at the same time. Just got to keep strengthening myself for the big D Day.
Yeah, it still hearts me to know that I must stay on my path. Especially in the mornings when I wake up and all my defenses are down. So once again, in retro spect the lies she's throwing at me is a good thing because its helping me detach. It hurts and helps at the same time. Isn't that weird how this works out?!?
