Dealing with WAW Part 2

[25yearsmlc]

PIlot

Hey I'm not trying to do a tit for tat thing here but there is a lot in your thread and much of it overlaps with other people's issues so maybe it's worth looking at this in depth.

In other words I'm not trying to pick apart everything you say but I will say there are positives in your situation I hope you won't over look.

I sense a lot of love on both sides but wounded egos, too. You both sound prideful and resentful, and neither of you talks openly enough.

I think you are understating how wounded she was and for how long. I really don't think you recall how you behaved while medicated (I had surgery in November and the pain meds were wonderfully effective, but I have very little recall of the holidays and that's a lot of weeks!)

Thank God I was confined to an 8 ft radius (broken leg/hip) so I can't have done too much damage. But don't skim over that so frequently, or so easily, b/c I think you tend to ignore how ignored she was and for how long. That's not to mention the whole campaign ordeal, for which you both earned nothing. I noticed you again mentioned her inability to earn much, but again, you minimize or skim over how much she invested in YOU. HER career did not benefit by you running, but yours probably did. So you do have "something to show for it", whereas she doesn't. And aren't you both living at parents homes right now?

Anyhow, let's check this out...

You wrote:

Yes, I had discussed my plan on filing Chapt 7 with W prior to our S. It is my understanding she is working. But that came from my dad who said she had put a place of employment under her FB status. I have never done anything to verify whether or not she is working. She is living at her parents so her bills would be minimal.

See how the communication has improved so much....(yes, I'm being snarky. But this is an issue YOU identified as a problem. Yet you are continuing with it as before). Still No direct talks that are "uncomfortable"...and whole a lot of mind reading and planning based on things that might not be real or ever happen. How needlessly painful and what a waste of time.

Continue this old negative behavior, at your peril.


Nasty language aside, the terms were ridiculous and very unreasonable.


Excuse me but YOU said that her lawyer "was just doing his job" to make you look bad and get her the most he could (zealous representation, etc). Sure, Your pride was wounded and your feelings were hurt, but if I understood you correctly, nothing she said was a lie. And you had gotten over it, so why keep bringing it up?

May I submit why I think you do harp on it so often? It goes back to the inability to forgive or let go of past hurts. It's what you learned from your parents and continue practicing. But Pilot, I think forgiveness is a learned skill and though it's a critical element of Christian belief, which you profess to have, it's not taught to us nearly enough. I also know of NO long term marriage that is happy, that did not contain chunks of forgiveness on both sides, usually one side more than the other.

The marriage vows often say "from this day forward", which I think is genius and mandatory.

you also wrote:
[/b]

I understand why it was written the way it was. You shoot for the stars and hope you hit the moon at the end of the day. However, because of this, IF/WHEN I have to file a reply, it will also have to be in a fashion where I go way out in my own favor. Ultimately I am pretty certain of where it will end up. But if I start from that point, I will only end up drifting more towards her petition in any negotiations. Paying all the bills under her name is one of the conditions. While not unreasonable, if I concede those now, I lose the ability to negotiate them in the future.

This^^^ is all part of legal strategizing which you keep wanting to punish her for. Either let it go, compartmentalize it (business versus emotion) or fall on your sword for it.

But there are too many mixed signals on this. Move on...


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