Dealing with WAW Part 2

[25yearsmlc]

You also wrote this about your R with your mom, (who had written you and your w a letter about working on the M, in part based on HER experience as a WAW with regrets)...


As for the relationship with my mom, I guess a part of me wishes I had a good relationship with my mom. It is not from her lack of trying, that is for sure. But I also remember how she left my dad, how she treated him, how she basically walked from me and my brother to pursue what she thought was greener grass with her OM. And when that grass turned out to be astro turf, she tried to come running back. My brother barely speaks to her period. I just found it annoying she would send that letter. I understand she had good intentions, but she really has less than 10% of the info as to what has gone on in my M.


I want to make an observation here. Seems to me that you have zero frame of reference for forgiveness in your family history.

You refuse to forgive your mom for leaving your dad, despite her MANY overtures to you and your brother (and father). They "still rarely speak."

Also, if I read it correctly, you never asked her for any type of explanation or to find out why she did what she did, nor did you want to hear if or why she regrets it.

Her letter to you and your w was borne out of hard learned lessons she had the humility to share with you and your w. I think you totally missed that. Yet It's huge.

But you were mad at her for writing a note to you two. Gosh, no offense Pilot b/c I know you want to take the high road, but IMO, that was very small of you. You are missing the big picture here.

In the grand scheme of things, your inability to forgive is probably part of why you don't address conflicts openly. You fear that "too much damage" will happen if problems are actually looked at.

Maybe that is b/c You never saw conflict resolution, you never saw forgiveness and you don't seem able to envision what redemption looks like (b/c you won't allow your mother to redeem herself, even as just a parent).

So how would you know how to do any of those? That applies to yourself, to your mom and to your wife.



What kind of legacy do you want to leave your children? Bear in mind the legacy your parents left you with...