My opinion? You just stop talking about her in front of him or to him.
I mean, what's the alternative? You keep mentioning her just to make it look more "genuine"?
As for your boundary, is it not that you will not work on your M as long as OW is in the picture? A boundary isn't: "You can't speak to OW!" That is control. A boundary is: "You can't have her AND me" or "I will not be in an open marriage with a third party." So you can still be breezy with your H as long as you're taking care of you and not letting him have you both. As long as you are emotionally/physically unavailable until he makes a firm commitment, then you're still well within the lines of your boundary with the plan pitched above.
I believe mdu said her boundary was "I cannot feel safe in the marriage so long as you are still in contact with OW." ?
WHATEVER it is, she needs to decide what it is because I've NEVER been clear on just what her core non-negotiable dealbreakers were, and I can guarandamntee you her husband isn't, either!
