I feel like H is trying to gain some power here (and obviously I'm letting him). I think the truth is he has felt very powerless in our M for many years. If I'm really honest with myself, I controlled quite a lot of things. If I think about it, my emotional outbursts have been a form of control. He's not tolerating it anymore, which in a way is good. But it's almost like he's swinging the pendulum too far the other way. I really think that's why he does not want to give in completely, he sees my requests as more demands/control over him and doesn't want that anymore. And obviously I'm letting him have the upper hand right now, I suppose out of my own fear and guilt.
This, to ME, is the greatest revelation you've had so far, mdu. I think you are DEAD ON here, and - as you know - I've personally felt this way for a while re: your situation.
Yeah, I agree -- that's good stuff. Taking my previous post into account (if you even agree with it -- if you don't, that's okay too), you're going to have to find SOME way, mdu, to both allow your H to have a "voice" thru this process while still not relinquishing too much relationship power to him at this raw stage.
