FWIW, and I imagine you guys don't trust my judgment very much right now, GAL and positive, light interactions seem to be what re-attract H the most thus far. Although I said I should go dark I am also feeling very concerned that his last memory of me before going dark AND seeing OW is a bad one.
Then re-commit to doing your 100% best "Plan A" (and Wonka and Train can help you do that, as already demonstrated) for some set period of time (I would advise no longer than 30-60 days), drop all "OW" confrontations and interrogations of your husband, and only give YOURSELF (not your H!!!) that internal deadline. And THEN go hard-core "Plan B"/pitch-dark after the 60 days if he's still as un-transparent and lost and non-committal as he is now.
I guess it's just different philosophies, mdu. I personally don't believe in trying to "re-attract" a wayward, while they are still in active contact with their affair partner. I believe you do present the best YOU that you can, by GALing and making the self-improvements that you know are needed, but I personally would never waver in my "End all contact with OW/OM and come back and work on the marriage with me, and I think you'll find me ready and willing to discuss and work on all issues, including my own" stance.
