I'm finally caughte up with your story. Wow, that was a lot of reading but towards the end there it felt like I was watching a love story with a happy ending. I'm proud to call you a fellow DBer and it gives me hope with my sitch. You've really come a long way especially with the porn issue...that's a toughie. I might be exposing a very delicate secrete here but women have porn issues too. Not sure if there is a whole lot of info on it but it's out there. It's just flat out poison to your M.
Sex may not be a priority for a majority of women compared to men but we too experience sexual tension and need release. I made the mistake of just peeking and then I got sucked in. Mind you it was a "once in a while thing" when we just couldn't get together. I mean he had porn in his dvd player when I first moved in. I stumbled upon it wanting to watch a movie in the bedroom but there was already a disc in. So i hit play and...hello. Daily single guy routine? It didn't bother me because I knew it was common. He just needed a visual aid. I think this is where i rationalized it in my head. I figure if he's okay with it then why shouldn't I be? So, it wasn't until he gifted me with a 2x4 that I realized that taking care of myself was relieving him of his God-given ability. I was sucking the life out of our sex life by taking things into my own hands...literally. It was a very embarrassing and humiliating discovery but since that discovery I've abstained completely. I've been better because of it.
I've experienced the same issues that you have from drastic change in behavior, changing for them, reaching out to their family, religious guilt trip, difficulty with detaching and GAL, mind reading...etc. I too found it difficult to treat my spouse like a friend. In my mind I was thinking "WTH, that's why we got married in the first place!" But as the days passed I learned more about myself from reading, listening and paying attention, and more importantly prayer than I have in my entire 33 years on this earth. I learned the negative patterns that kept resurfacing and began to understand and identify my negative behaviors of communicating and interacting. God also revealed to me that my rationalization with porn was due to deeper trust issues with men in my early childhood. I will skip the details but this is when I decided that change was for me and not for my H. Since you are a proclaimed christian, I recommend the book that Rayzzz suggested by John Eldredge called "Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secrets of a Man's Soul." Like Rayzzz says it talks about walking with integrity, delving into your deepest fears, why emasculation is so widespread, what it means to be truly masculine in God's eyes. You can love your W beyond what your human heart can fathom but only through the love of the Lord. It will also teach you how to pursue your W in the correct way because all women want to be pursued or rescued but it's in the act that makes a difference.
Anyway, so glad that things are looking up for you and your W. I hope that paved road is smooth all the way through. I appreciate your feedback on my sitch too. Keep us posted!
I'm proud to call you a fellow DBer and it gives me hope with my sitch. You've really come a long way especially with the porn issue...that's a toughie. I might be exposing a very delicate secrete here but women have porn issues too. 
Not sure if there is a whole lot of info on it but it's out there. It's just flat out poison to your M. 
It was a very embarrassing and humiliating discovery but since that discovery I've abstained completely. I've been better because of it. 