Wife officially walked away just over a month ago

[BigMac]

So, I am down in the new town (where the W moved to) checking out neighborhoods, having a couple client meetings for work, and generally just trying to make this move ok with me.

W texts me this morning, asking if I am in the new town, and I reply that yes I was, that I was exploring neighborhoods. We texted back and forth for a bit about some challenges she was having at work. It seemed pretty positive, and I felt good about it. I had to get to some work done, and meet with some clients so I cut the txting short after saying that if she ever needed an unbiased ear to bend, that I am always happy to listen as she talks through it.

Tonight, (later the same day) she called asking me to lunch tomorrow. She has some packages of mine that ended up at her place when she forwarded all the mail from the house that she wants to give me.

It is baby steps, and I'm still going through the emotional roller coaster of codependancy. I am going to do some heavy meditating in the morning. I really need to focus on not worrying about the future, or the past but enjoy the present.

The present is simple, the W reached out to have lunch with me. Her contact is escalating. It may not mean anything, but it is good to have a conversation with someone who I called my best friend and soulmate for 14 years. It is an opportunity for her to see the positive side of me, to start to see how much I have been growing (I know it may not look like it on the board, but I have grown immensely over the past couple months).

I just need to accept if for what it is. It is an increase in communication. It isn't a sign of something bigger, she is probably going to be with the OP until it fizzles out, and even then there may not be an us. It may just be too late, but I need to heal myself either way.

Ben / Nettles. My rationalization is that I am very scared of a Divorce. And I have been seeing the preparations (cleaning up evidence of contact with the OP. stuff like that. I am combining that fear with co-dependancy and this need to control things. The reality is that there is not much I can control here, except for me. And I'm not doing a great job at that.

Or maybe I am doing a great job, and this is normal for a person in my position. Sometimes I don't give myself permission to feel, permission to be human. I am doing so much better then I was a month ago, and a month before that. I will continue to heal as this goes on. I must.