I would certainly agree with you on how you are interacting with your H.
In my case, he never sends a little message. If he did, I'd ignore it too or follow your rules of being nice, but not chatty.
Instead, we've fallen into the pattern of a decently-sized email every one or two weeks.. he updates me on life, asks about mine, etc. There are usually at least four or five paragraphs of discussion.. about his family, my family. It feels very regimented in a way, but I feel that he's not ready to let go.
In April, we were chatting on Skype and I was extremely emotional and he shut down for about a month, saying he thought we needed to stop communicating. I stopped being emotional (for my sake and his) and have been pleasant ever since, and he's never mentioned it since. Of course, we haven't Skyped again, but the difference is that HE is ensuring that the conversation progresses.. not me.
Sometimes I don't even know if I want him back or not. I know I don't want him back without some serious changes on his end. I also know that he has to go through whatever he's going through by himself, especially if he's going to come out the other end as a better/happier person.
I just wish HE could see that. He is stagnant. The only thing he's changed about his life is getting rid of me. Other than that.. all the things he has complained about for years (and accused me of holding him back from) have remained the same, with no end in sight.
And that's what I worry about. I don't want him to be the person he is right now, for his sake. It makes me sad.
