Wife wants marriage with OM, is there any hope?

[25yearsmlc]

"I also cannot give her the idea that I'm "looking around". I want to give her the impression that I'm still hurt over this, but I'm ready to move on if she leaves.

So YOU are "still hurt"? What about her?

Um, why not share with her how you now realize how devastated SHE must have been when you kept cheating on her so casually?

Tell her you "get it now" and that it'll never happen again b/c you know how deeply wounding it feels. And That you are really truly sorry and that you never realized her value to you until now, now that you may lose her. And you are so sorry...

What do you have to lose by putting yourself out there? Seems to me your wounded pride is not helping you much at all.


I gave her full indication that I'm still going through the emotional shock of the situation.

What does that^^ mean? That if it's done to YOU it's worse? This is so self serving it would make me run from you if I were in her shoes. I think your approach to this is backwards.


I've also found comfort talking with her father, whom she has told me (and the OM) that he is the only man she trusts 100%. Her father is opposed to the affair and wants nothing more than for her and I to work things out."

What did he think about your affairs? What are you willing to do to win your wife back? What if there are no guarantees (b/c there are none in life, but there never were.)

Perhaps You thought she'd put up with your cheating forever, but you really just taught her to do it...so now you have to model for her what forgiveness looks like and what a redeemed man (a changed man) is so she can trust you again.

Just to be honest here. What makes you the moral authority? I mean you cheated on her multiple times and then you told her that you never really loved her, etc. I mean, I have a feeling you just swept things under the rug without really understanding how much she hurt over what you did.

I notice you focus ALOT on what she's doing wrong now,

Actually, I think you exclusively focus on HER wrong doing. And it's a startling lack of insight on your part to do that.

I know you are in pain and you're surprised by it. But to gloss over the way you treated her is something very foolish of you to do. You'll just find yourself in this same situation again, with her or other women, if you learn nothing.


This marriage thing, it takes work and bravery. Are you hard working and brave? B/C those are the people who make this journey worth their while. And it IS worth it.


but haven't really addressed your problems that caused it. I have a feeling that she never really got over the A's you had and still can't trust you.

Have you even read DB or DR? What work have you done to yourself and address the issues of your M?

What Bond said^^^ For her to have let OM into her heart was the direct byproduct of her losing faith and trust in YOU...do you see that?

So please do the work and you will get a ton of support here. But we don't mince words and if you gloss over things, YOU lose out on what could be a very enriching experience, which can come out of this painful ordeal.

The folks who really benefit from this site are the ones who dig deep and do the hard lifting and --- we come out of this on the other side, a lot wiser, a lot kinder, a lot more loving, and a lot happier.

That peace is attainable and worthy of great effort. I suggest you do it for real. You'll be glad you did -- and you'll always regret it if you don't.