MM, as someone who used to take the bait from my ex and held onto the "I'm confused" statements like my life depended on them, trust me and everyone else posting to you that it is glaringly apparent that your ex does not want a relationship with you. When they say "I'm confused" or "I don't know what I want" or "not right now," (AND YES, THOSE WORDS CAN KEEP US VERY STUCK)..... That is a clear NO even if they don't realize that. Believe me, if they have to question their feelings, then they are not really there. Not in the way they should be. I get the desire to stand by them when they appear to be lost or confused, I used to hurt so bad for my ex, and what he supposedly was going through, that I pushed my own feelings and self-respect aside. It is painful to read your posts because I see the old me in them and my friends IRL were telling me what people here are telling you, and I just didn't/couldn't pay attention. I know how hard it is!!!!! I kept thinking I dropped the rope way before I really had. It took me years because my ex moved back home after a long separation and then stayed in the marital home for an equally long period of time. I wanted it to work out so bad because of my son and also because I was extremely co-dependent on him emotionally. I am 6 years past the first bomb drop and don't even recognize that person I was. BUT it took a long long time, and my heart took much longer than my head to catch up. I think you WILL get there, but I don't think you are even close yet...it's a very long process and it happens in bits and pieces, and sometimes when you think you have dropped it, something will happen and you will realize you haven't dropped it or at least not all the way, but then you trot on and as time goes on little by little you will start uncurling those fingers more and more and the rope WILL fall.
I just think you are expecting that once you "say" you've dropped it, it drops and it just doesn't work that way. And not to alarm you but for someone who is as co-dependent as you are, it is going to take years to happen. And when it happens you will know it. You will feel such relief to not be that emotionally tied. Because being that dependent is PAINFUL and exhausting. Baby steps.
