Unfortunately my PMA is really declining. I am just so, so sad. So sad that H and I are in this place. It feels like I need to brace myself for anything --- including H saying he doesn't really know what he wants or even, it's over. I know some will post and tell me to be positive but I feel like that actually gets me into trouble because I expect that things will work out and then keep getting blindsided that H is really not 100% there. My heart literally hurts thinking about the A and where we might be headed. It's just awful.
Right now, I feel like I can still be strong for the call and keep my goals in mind: focus first and foremost on controlling my reactions and presenting myself well, listen and validate.
I'm going to try hard to turn my negativity around. I know that in a lot of ways I should be thankful and many would be happy to be where I am now. At least it seems I am being given a *chance*, even if H is still somewhat on the fence that's better than certain he wants to leave me. And even if he's thinking of her obviously he's not so sure about her either, otherwise he wouldn't have spent all this time with me and talking to me about all of this. If I can stick to my goals tonight I think I can really earn points for team MDU. I want a win so badly, for myself and for all of us here working so hard!
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
