MM, I confess, I am with Ken here. Stop. Just stop thinking about the party and if you should go or what is the right thing to do or how he may feel or what you should say if he says this or that.
Now, let's look at where MM is right now. You are still holding onto hope that he will someday someway come around and want a R with you again. You know that is true. It doesn't matter if you have dropped the rope are detached or anything, just admit that that is true. OK, now he has made it VERY clear he is not wanting a R with you except as 2 work together "friends", not even friends more like partners in business. He isn't EVER going to be wanting a R with you unless something changes and it will take a long consistent change. You need to just do what you want to do. Just say what you want to say. The "trick" is you must be totally detached from any expectations from him, NONE! MM, what you just aren't getting is that until you give up and just live your life for you, Stop caring what he thinks or doesn't think because you know that he just doesn't want a R with you and you are better off without him, you will never get through this! If someone you knew asked you to go to a party and you didn't want to go, what would say? If you don't want to go with him..say that! If you want to go just say you want to go. If you're worried about being alone with him, meet him there. I went to a party in a small house with my W there and I was totally able to spend most of the time without her anywhere near me. The times (like cake cutting) I had to be around her I was just me and acted how I wanted to act! You just don't seem to be able to do anything without thinking how it affects whether or not you will ever have a R with him! The sooner you realize that the R you had with this guy is OVER, forever, the sooner you can start to heal.
The concept of getting on with your life but leaving a small opening in case he gets through the tunnel some day is just one you aren't grasping. If you don't go please just say because you don't want to go. The things you want to say are manipulating him to "feel" a certain way. Whether that way is him knowing you are dropping the rope or to feel badly because of the way he has treated you doesn't matter. The idea isn't to get him to notice that you aren't going to be available for him anymore, it's to just not be available! Believe me, he'll notice. You don't need to tell him! (Which is what things like "I don't think it's a good idea right now" is designed to do!). This is what is so hard for us! We keep trying to tell you the number one thing you must do is just except he is gone and not care what he does or doesn't say or do! Once you do this the rest is easy!
You keep saying you don't care, you don't do anything to get a reaction from him but then ask us questions like "Which of these 3 things should I say?" and every one of them are designed to get a reaction from him! To get him to SEE your detaching or you're not going to be available for him or whatever! You just aren't seeing that as much as you want to think you are detaching, not doing this or saying that to get a reaction from him your questions are telling a totally different story! This is why so many people on here get frustrated MM. If he wasn't going to be at the party would you want to go? If the answer is yes, go. If the only reason you are going is because of him, don't go. Simple.
I want to stay a part of my in laws lives and have 2 kids that are part of that family. I enjoy being with them with or without my W. That's why I went. Do you want to stay a part of the in laws lives even if EXBF never comes back? If the answer is yes then it's up to you to keep that relationship.
MM, we are really trying to help you here. I know you want to think you aren't caring or aren't trying to get a reaction from him but you just show over and over by the questions you ask that that just isn't the case! Like I said, you MUST drop the rope and not care if it makes things "worse" or "better", don't even look at his reaction to what you do. Until you GAL apart from him and enjoy that life you will not be attractive to him or anyone else. You are not allowing yourself to move past him (which I know you didn't want but he does and you have no choice)and find a way to be the best MM you can be. You are allowing him to define your life. He just doesn't want a R with you. Feel it (I know it hurts) but get past it!
