My H called the other day but I let it go to VM. Then he called again and texted shortly after to which I did not respond to. I took the advice of not always being available. And then...he called 22 more times. Midway through that he utilized the emergency contact numbers (by calling my brother) I gave him during my stay here.
I called him back eventually but new it would not go well. He has never done this--behaving like a maniac--to which he admitted. As it turns out...he was venting again.
M: Hi, i'm sorry I missed your calls. Is everything okay?
H: I've had a long day and I wanted to talk to you but I don't want to talk about them anymore because I'm tired and I still have to iron my clothes for work. I feel like you're avoiding me. It's like you don't think that I might need to get a hold of your for something important. What if it was an emergency or the kids calling?
M: You sound stressed. I gave you my emergency contacts just in case. I would have called you back eventually.
H: I keep my phone with me at all times just in case something happens to you or the kids and I feel like you're not reciprocating that.
M: I'm truly sorry I didn't get to your call right away. I had things to take care of...
H: It's just...you're three thousand miles away and I don't know what's going on. You're taking a holiday and I'm here working 12-hr days without having breaks in between most of the time and you said you've changed but I don't know that. There's no way for me to see that right now.
When I told him that things have changed, I was referring to our situation not myself. I've been friendly but brief in our exchanges. I do my best to empathize when he gives me an opportunity to. Sometimes it's difficult to process all that he has said and respond with empathy because he just keeps on and on. The entire conversation was about him and his feelings of my "unfair behavior." When I did throw in a validating statement he would apologize by saying "I'm sorry i'm being this way right now. I truly am but it's just that..." I would then acknowledge his apology and thanked him for at least being honest with me. Eventually, I asked if there was anything important relating to the house that we needed to discuss. He replied with no and then I suggested that perhaps we could continue the conversation another day. He said "I'd like that."
I've done my best to communicate with him about the new build and forwarding whatever emails the lender has sent to me. So, i'm by no means being difficult in anyway because my name is on that dotted line too--not trying to screw myself on this part. However, he's been at the forefront of this since the day he dropped the bomb on me. He insisted "I'll take of care of it; you don't need to worry about anything." So, I've been in the background. It appears, this is not what he wants. So I emailed the lenders about our next steps prior to closing and CC'd him on it. I called him at work to discuss the logistics. He did his best to answer my questions but was a bit short. He said he would take care of getting the homeowner's quote later this evening. I did well to keep it strictly business but he was trying to throw in personal questions like "Is everything going okay over there?" and "there's this stuff with the office...i'll tell you later."
After we get off he sends me a text.
H: I'm sorry I was short. My boss is on vacation and I have to pick up the load so I've been in meetings all week with little opportunity to do work. I'm tired and i'm sorry.
M: Oh...sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. I'm sorry if I just added to it just now. Hope you get some time in between to rejuvenate. It won't be a problem for me to call and get the quote for the homeowner's insurance. Or, we can three-way when you have time.
H: Maybe we can do a three-way call this evening. That would be helpful. Thank you.
M: We can do that. Checking on their operating hours now. We can call them before 7 your time. I have an appt at 6 but should be free around 6:45.
H: An appt?
I have not responded to his last text. I do have an appt. today and it's to skype with my C. Was he probing here? How should I respond?
Vets, was this a successful 180? I felt terrible trying to be unavailable when I actually was available. I feel that he's softening a bit and that my being away has helped him realize all the crap that I do for him. Yeah, setting doctor appts. and taking care of all the menial tasks that he doesn't have time for seem insignificant compared to his 12-hr work days but someone has to do it. In addition to that I was working on keeping myself happy too by going back to school full time.
My love tank towards my H is empty. Right now I'm focused on preparing for a life without him but I'm uncertain if I'm doing it the right way rather just adding another nail to the coffin.
