You're right that I fear anger or rejection if I do ask for or expect things. I told H. he could pass on a perfectly reasonable job when he complained about it because I didn't want to be the bad guy who made him do work that he didn't really want to do. I agreed to help him with his writing even though I had little time, and then he felt as though I wasn't committed enough because I wasn't able to contribute much and was slow to get to the editing.
Recently I've asked H. to do a few things by saying something like, "would you mind doing X this afternoon". His new response is, "Yes, but I'll do it anyway". This may be him being sarcastic (as he usually is), but with everything that's going on it pushes my buttons and makes me want to just do it myself instead and not ask anymore. I think I've largely kept away from actually taking over when he does this, but it's frustrating and causes me anxiety. I've also witched the "would you mind" to "could you".
I've been trying to treat myself like I'm worthy of good things today in some fairly basic ways. I've also asked for help with something from a friend, like you suggested, and will keep doing that. Thanks for the guidance - I really appreciate the feedback and help.
M - 34 H - 36 Together 10 years Married 4 years BD - March, 2014
