Do I tell him all I know?

[GoatGal]

Wow, sonas,

What a great post.

I'm so sorry things are still crazy over there.
I keep telling myself that you can't reason with a crazy person.
And that's what our Hs have become, even if they can't see it. (Everybody with a lick of sense can spot it a mile away, however.)

As for telling him all I know, I am not going to say a word.
I'm playing my cards close to the vest--if he knows I know it will affect how he feels about me. I think my H is already ashamed enough on some level.

This would just be one more thing that he would lie about and try to hide.

Better to let him get it out of his system. He's going to anyway!

We really can't influence them much.
It bothers me that my H is carrying on---much like yours with the lies...
I was tempted to do the same; message him, ask him about his wife.

But I am 100% sure he'd say similar things, or at least, something like:
"She has a lot of problems, she is old/ugly, we grew apart, we were never in love, she was the wrong person..." Whatever. It would just be spew and we're supposed to not listen to a thing they say, right?

Well that would be filling our heads with even MORE garbage lies that they're spilling..

We both know that our Hs are lonely, trying to find someone who will make them feel the way they can't on their own.

We also know they're willing to lie and manipulate to do this.

As they say around here, LIFE will give them consequences. That's not our job.

For me, having that info is just interesting... let's me know where his head is at.

Obviously, he is still in Replay mode, although I've seen more depression/crying/emotion than ever before.
I think things are starting to hit home, and he's trying like mad to find a way to make this "work out" for him.

My prediction? IT WON'T!

Eventually, I'll be gone and when I truly am, he'll start to realize how he really messed things up. I believe that will happen for him one day. And I'm pretty sure it will be too late for us.

I really can't take much more of this insanity. I have too many people who are so much better, who don't lie to me, who value me, to put up with this.

So for now I'm just IGNORING IT.

He is a teenager in his head. He is trying to live in fantasy land. He is running from HIMSELF.

But "No matter where you go, there you are!"

Sonas, don't say a word. Just play it cool, make sure he doesn't find out that you know. Maybe one day there will be a time for honesty about it, but now certainly isn't that time.

Just be happy, upbeat, show him you're moving on and let him know what he'll be missing!


(((((Hugs to You))))))

--GGG