MM, I think she invited me because she knows that her family is really MY family as I have no family where we live now. We moved here and away from where I grew up (1600 miles) and for the last 20 years I was a big part of her family and accepted as part. She also (this is mind reading so take it as you will) I think doesn't want to look like she is excluding me or isn't "strong" enough to have me around. She knows that since she left many members of her family have contacted me and told me that I will always be a part of the family to them. Her Aunt and Uncle even invited me to come and stay with them for a "cheap vacation" at their lake house. I also believe that she knows the kids want me there and wouldn't like it if I was purposely excluded. I am as close to her grandmother as if she was my own and she loves me like a grandson and would want to know where I was and my W isn't ready to try and tell her she left. Even in her right mind she wouldn't like what my W has done and would NOT be on her side. She is very old fashioned and doesn't believe in D...let alone D for no real reason!
These people know me very well. They know that I was a good H to her and that she has no real reason to do what she did. Even if she didn't invite me my MIL also called and invited me (although if my W told her not too she probably wouldn't have). With her father, who we didn't spend much time with at all, she can say whatever she wants about me and since he doesn't know me, she can get away with it. With this side of her family she can't do that. They know me. They also know that I stuck by her for the last year after B-day and tried mightily to make the M work. If she told them NOT to allow me to come, she would look petty. Add in that the D is still just starting and she wants me to remain open to an "amicable" settlement and knows that D14 could very well choose to live with me and not her, I'm sure she doesn't want to upset her D.
There is also the fact that when her parents D, her father moved to another state. This left her mother, her brother and her living right next to her in-laws. Her mom kept a close relationship with her in laws (her family was 1600 miles away like mine!)up until they died and she moved to be closer to her family. So, to her this is normal.
The thing is MM, NONE of that matters. I don't know exactly why she invited me and it could be any or all of those things or something else altogether. I didn't once think about "why' she invited me until you asked! All I thought was "Do I want to go?". For me the answer was yes because I like these people and to me they are and forever more will be, family. Of course I did think "can I do this without any expectations?" and the answer was yes. If you can't answer that question and be sure that the answer is yes, you're not ready to go.
