Finding my way - part 2

[Meghan]

Had a chance to talk to my IC this morning. She agrees that I've been enabling H. for years and that I've stepped in to fix too many problems. Clearly this is something I need to work on.

The first step, according to her, is to keep up with the detaching, which she knows I've been working on anyway. I'm also going to stay dark while he's on his trip and keep working on making my life what I want it to be.

She also wants me to give some serious consideration to the idea that things might not work out. She says that people with anxiety often avoid facing the things that makes them anxious, and that this might help with some of the obsessive trying to read his mind and predict his actions. It's also possible this could help with detaching if I can realise a bit more that I will be fine no matter how this all shakes out.

Finally, she wants me to come up with a specific list of things that would need to change were H. willing to work on the marriage. Clearly there are a lot of issues here, and she wants to work with me on a specific plan. Once I've got a list, we're going to talk about ways to make my needs known and how to deal with any fallout, rather than just trying to avoid conflict.