34: Holding my ground ... continued

[makingmagic]

Advina... thank you. Yes, I am concerned about what he will think about me.. .and I know I'm not supposed to care. But, truthfully, I still do. This comes from fear of the 20 years... pretzeling myself to do what I think he wants me to do. I am still doing it.

Matt... thanks for your reply. I can do what you did at your family party. I am not sure if I can go and have ZERO expectations. I know I can hide my feelings while at the party and have a good time. I fear the next day. Not knowing how I will really feel. Knowing me, I will probably be hopeful. But, can squash that down...if need be.

CAN YOU GO AND HAVE ZERO EXPECTATIONS? The first response was the answer. You are afraid that you will go and the next day you will think maybe he does want a real R. You will once again (still?) hope he is "seeing the light". He took you to his family party, right? He wouldn't do that unless he really, deep inside wanted you back, right? ..... yep, I might think this stuff

Oh, I went and we had a good time and he was nice to me and actually took a leak with me near him so now that must mean he is buckling and is starting to see how much he really does love me and want me back..... no, I won't think there is meaning to these types of things.

If you can't go without even thinking that those things may happen if you go...DON'T GO! You aren't ready! .... am I ready or not? I am on the fence.

You need to stop caring what he thinks! .... YES !! I DO!!

So what if he thinks he has you where he wants you. As long as that isn't the case let him believe whatever he wants.... really? this is OK?? THIS IS WHAT I FRET ABOUT!! I never considered, "as long as that isn't the case"...WOW! What a concept!

Stop worrying if he is "just trying to be nice" and you give him the impression that you don't want him back! That is EXACTLY what he needs to think!... and how can he THINK that.. if I go to a family party?... Isn't the position of NOT going, a stronger stance for this case?

You say you have dropped the rope. OK, you have physically dropped the rope but there is more to it.... ok, I will accept this & work harder on it!! (NO EXPECTATIONS... NONE... repeat)

Until you have also stopped having any expectations you haven't completed the process that is "dropping the rope". You are waiting to see how he will react now that the rope has been dropped. Face it MM you are waiting to see what will happen once he understands that you have dropped it! .... hmmm, you may be right.

You are hoping that once he realizes that you are no longer there for him to play with when it suits him that he will miss his favorite toy and want it back! ... It would be nice for him to realize this!! Yes... but do I expect it?... not at all... actually, I would be shocked!

If you are really honest with yourself you will see this. It may be only a small part of it but until you can really finish the process and not only drop it but also turn around and face the other direction and not care what he does or how he reacts you will stay stuck where you are right now!

Matt....why did your wife invite you to the family function?