OK MM, Sorry it took this long to answer your questions from 3 pages of posts ago.... I went to my W's families party and enjoyed it because I like the people there, they like me, we had fun. I talked, laughed, tried some home brewed beer, told/heard jokes, had some great food and b-day cake, hung with my D's...pretty much all the things I enjoyed about going before my W left EXCEPT spending time with her! My W was on the other side of the house showing everyone pic's of HER new house, talking about her life without me and it didn't matter a bit. I was there for ME and her grandmother for her birthday. Nothing about the event itself was about my R with my W. NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT MY R, EVEN WHEN SHE IS THERE.
This is where you are so missing the point. Everything you do and say is filtered through "How will he feel? How will I feel? How will this affect the R? What signal will I be sending HIM?". No one can answer the question "What would a person who has dropped the rope do?" because everyone is different! We can't give you step by step instructions on "do A and if B happens do C". This all goes back to my FIRST question to you! Answer that question and you have your answer! CAN YOU GO AND HAVE ZERO EXPECTATIONS? The first response was the answer. You are afraid that you will go and the next day you will think maybe he does want a real R. You will once again (still?) hope he is "seeing the light". He took you to his family party, right? He wouldn't do that unless he really, deep inside wanted you back, right? Oh, I went and we had a good time and he was nice to me and actually took a leak with me near him so now that must mean he is buckling and is starting to see how much he really does love me and want me back. If you can't go without even thinking that those things may happen if you go...DON'T GO! You aren't ready!
The other thing that to me says you just aren't ready is how you are wondering what "signals" you are sending by going or not going. MM, until it just doesn't matter to you what he may or may not think about anything you do or don't do you will stay stuck! You cannot control what anyone else thinks about anything! You need to stop caring what he thinks! So what if he thinks he has you where he wants you. As long as that isn't the case let him believe whatever he wants. Stop worrying if he is "just trying to be nice" and you give him the impression that you don't want him back! That is EXACTLY what he needs to think!
You say you have dropped the rope. OK, you have physically dropped the rope but there is more to it. Until you have also stopped having any expectations you haven't completed the process that is "dropping the rope". You are waiting to see how he will react now that the rope has been dropped. Face it MM you are waiting to see what will happen once he understands that you have dropped it! You are hoping that once he realizes that you are no longer there for him to play with when it suits him that he will miss his favorite toy and want it back! If you are really honest with yourself you will see this. It may be only a small part of it but until you can really finish the process and not only drop it but also turn around and face the other direction and not care what he does or how he reacts you will stay stuck where you are right now!
