Cross country DB with WAS

[Anders]

I found this gem of wisdom this morning which has been insightful as I look at where I am this week:
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So I discovered years ago that a relationship starts getting better when they start saying nice things to each other. So I thought the old traditional idea that we’ve got to go like Dante’s Inferno, that we’ve got to go through hell before we get to heaven is not correct. We can bypass hell and go straight to heaven. The old idea that we’ve got to go in a fit, to get angry, we’ve got to show anger, we’ve got to show hurt, we’ve got to show how the other person has hurt us and so on. The relationship never gets better until we get beyond that. So why not go straight to building each other’s ego, which is what it’s all about.

...the wife has no self-esteem and therefore, after a period of time (which can different in length from one hour to three years), she begins to have subconscious contempt for him because he’s in love with her. Her self-contempt spills over on him. So she begins to feel negative, or the absence of the old positive, happy, in-love feelings that she used to have.

Now, she does not know why there has been a big change in her feelings. She just knows that there has been a big change in her feelings.
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[Anders]

W contacted me by email to pass me more info. on the bills she received. She also asked for my tax info. to so that she can file hers. Then implied that she may be away for a few months.

And though implied as well, she has not explicitly said anything about going forward with a divorce.

I have the urge to get together with my B-inlaw to get a sense of where she is with all of this. Quite honestly, I am feeling very confused and uncertain right now on what I should do.

[Anders]

Journal:

Rough week with multiple scenarios swirling through my mind. A couple of conversations helped to clarify where I'm at.

Though we are not close to any sort of reconciliation at this point in time, I have already fast forwarded to the 'what if' stage with a lot of unanswered questions. For now, I have to be in this present moment which is really not that easy.

At the same time, sensing W's increasing disconnect. Or I am simply mind reading.

Either way, I need to focus on staying positive and on what I can do to keep on my own growth.

Unintentionally, I landed on Day 25 of the 'Love Dare' which is "Love Forgives". This is an continuing challenge for me but one which is very relevant this week.