Life now that Ex MLCer has married the OW!

[LoisB]

He also doesn' t get that the pain he caused our kids has anything to do with his actions. In his mind, I am, once again, the person to blame for brainwashing our kids. It is a spiral of accusation for justifying their actions and lessen their guilt and shame. I told XH in the past that It might be better if he doesn' t wake up because he couldn' t live with himself if he saw the reality of things. Xh knows he made his bed and now has to lay in it and it angers him. He can' t deal with it so he runs... IMO, he is beyond repair and picks up ladies that are just as messed up as he is.
I deserve wayyyyy better. His departure opened my eyes and made me realise that XH didn' t belong on that pedastil I had him on.
The only thing I wish he would see is who I was and what I contributed to in our relationship. But again, me and him were one person in his mind and what he felt about himself, he felt about me. It is awful to feel this bad about yourself. I thor me to pieces but I came back.. now, maybe he' ll realise that me and him are 2 separate human being..

Wow, exQ, I coulda written all of that ^^^^^^^^^^^ Ditto.

I wouldn't hold my breath though for him "getting it."

It really helps to know that I finally get it.

In fact, I think that's the piece that was missing more than him "getting it." I think I REALLY NEEDED TO LET IT SOAK INTO MY BONES THAT I'M NOT THE LAZY, WASTE OF A SPOUSE HE NEEDS ME TO BE. IT'S JUST NOT TRUE.

That was his emotional abuse talking. Spewing his own frustrations, insecurities, anger, problems...ISSUES. HIS ISSUES. Not mine. But, I took them on. I allowed them to change me...my heart.

Not our problem anymore. We are free to be who we truly are meant to be now. It's kinda glorious to be free from that scrutiny daily and those chains. Sometimes I feel a bit badly for OW (not). When Smokey ain't happy, AIN'T NOBODY HAPPY!