Where next Mr Crazy Person

[LoisB]

Bea,

Maybe he was selective in the vows he wanted to honor..."Til Death Do Us Part" struck a chord, while the whole bit about Respect, Remaining Faithful, Honoring...all went out the window.

[AJM]

I actually snorted coffee on the screen at both your posts. Thanks for the laughs ladies!

AJ

[nero]

hi bea and gang-

i've been reading along - and sure agree with the whole inability to sever the "bond". got one too ( a big ole 39 yr homper of a stinking "bond" around my ankle) - i guess whoever was saying it was the sheer length of r with him that was good- and that perhaps someday it will weaken enough to cut. i wonder - i hope so(?) - i dread so(?) and i do agree tho with whoever was saying they'd marry the person HE WAS in a minute- but that guy may well be dead and gone forever.

sheesh - it's such a shame it's soooo clearly apparent to us what a horrible pattern they're following (mwd books & mlc madness, etc) step by step , yet they are blind and clueless (and perhaps un-recoverable).

oh man- I'm not as blue as was when waking up this a.m (4th july is THE BOMB day for me) - so forever i think will be a crappola holiday.(who knows tho- perhaps i'll "get lucky" some day, meet a guy who makes fireworks for a living and have some giant huge love-explosion-sex & erase all bad ju ju).

anyway- what a mess and boy oh boy- yes to all you guys are saying. i thought i wrote to you about my own position on the whole (180 to pursue) and possibly that being "something" but possibly just a game playing exercise rather than any kind of solution.

idk- i guess i erased it or lost it- just wanted to say hi and yeah and that it's really soenmthing, your h's obsession with you. the control -

and so, you feel you can agree with mwd that it's unfinished business of his with his own parents and messed up childhood?

i wonder sometimes. my h sure does have his own mess of a youth- and values from it- roles of h and wife, etc., his parents and divorce and so forth were truly a mess for him - but then i think sometimes i push it off on that stuff and he's just a "bad apple" and i was a dope not to see it. it's sure not a whole lot of one or the other- just a mish mash of both and all.

did that make sense? i think if once and for all i could just slap a lable on it alllll that made total sense- blame fairly placed here or there - etc - you know, neat and tidy with a bow (ha huh? what planet do i hail from???) -

just typing that is making me scratch my head and look at self with the wtf face - i am nuts sometimes in the "pollyanna" stuff that flits thru my head.

i hated hinm last nite (july 4th being what it is - the "hell" anniversary)

and this a.m i spoke on phone- pleasantly enough but me feelin wierdly detached in my emotions & "not me" . i wonder if he can even tell ? or cares for that matter. i'd say he does not.

it still surprises me that he feels compelled to "check in" and make sure , what? i'm still there, when she's coming or around. i can tell from his demeanor- (i don't think he has sensitivity to "feel" my pleasantly-frosty response?) who the heck knows. talk about playing a game. i just try to remain "normal" and bite back allll the crappola i'd REALLY like to say.

Despite taboo on "analyzing him" I merely can read his demeanor & k now the drill - ow is "in town" for long weekend. boinking him- visiting her parents - geeeez i hate knowing this stuff, knowing all her family, etc. - hate it all. i know we're not supposed to know or acknowledge it crosses our mind- but of course it does, doesn't it?.

he mentioned my coming down there for aug (my current plan- I always have gone down to fl in aug - we have central a/c down there so equiped to deal with horrible heat- see my neices babies & "play"; see friends, garden in nj on the wane due to heat & i'm fizzled-out trying to even keep it in control) etc) and i said i would not go down if it was "a problem" - he said "no problem at all". then i said" well, more like i'll come down if you actually want me to- otherwise, i'll just skip it if you're merely tolerating it" - he said "want you to".

it's a stupid stupid game isn't it ? i'm quite an @ss to go along- "do" this, db, stay calm - etc... -

my h has something "going on" - maybe a version of your h's control thing. a less "harsh" exchange for us. But while his demeanor, friendliness level & affection is improved a ton since before bomb (really cold & critical & awful daily). it isn't wine and roses.

i am not sure if i want too much- it seems like it's been a million years and i'm tired to death of this f'ing (dbing) around. on the other hand - i do see the improvement- but wonder if i have the intestinal fortitude required to "see it thru". whatever the heck that means or where will end.

any comment what you think you'd be thinking in my shoes? with your h & your bond ? i wonder if i'm crazy here - feel like it alot - but don't want to pooh pooh the good bits - but don't want to launch the missle for the bad.... or accept that this is "okay" forever. it's not- i wonder if it sends that message - that i'll tolerate this no man's land forever? (i am sitting here on my booty allowing him to pay the bills and participate in my life).... we went on two nice trips last two times he was here- the being nice is worrying me alot . sad huh? can't even appreciate something nice without wondering what bomb it disguises???

oph well- confused as usual and wonder ?? I can't remember if it's been three or two solid years of KNOWING for sure he lies & cheats - or one of suspecting (but still believing lies) and two of solid knowledge - seems like fifty at least.

any opinion? i wonder if i've said this before to you or asked. if it's a total drag - no need respond. i get a bit neurotic i know- just wondering.

hope your garden is making you happy- i need to go plant a few things today myself - since weather is coooool and lovely (what a surprise- ya gotta love the n.e. - unlike FLA-HELL - allll the time- hot hot sun til it bakes the skin off your bones -

good ole NJ - cool - hot - anything possible any day- yay!!!!

xxoo

[beatrice]

Update - the sun is shining, and I just got another letter from my xh's lawyers. Despite the fact that I asked that all correspondence is sent to my lawyer.

I am just so very tired of all of this. It is almost nine years since he left me, we have been divorced for nearly four years, and the divorce took over two years to finalise . . . . . He has just got married and he STILL will not leave me alone.

Sorry for rant, but he still insists that he was right to leave me so why not leave me alone??

He is a very mean and very stuck MLCer I would not wish him on my worst enemy.

[exquisitetobe]

Gosh Bea, what a pain in the a** ! I feel for you. I wonder if his OW knows he is the one who won' t let go? Maybe, just maybe, OWs are our ticket out of this??

[job]

Bea,
I would forward the missive on to your lawyers, but I would also prepare a missive and send to your xh lawyers advising them to send all correspondence, etc. to your lawyers and provide the names and addresses for them.

What have you decided to do about his claim?

[LoisB]

Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practise to deceive!

I think of this quote when I read your thread. It's like he doesn't know how to stop. He got this train rolling up that first rollercoaster hill and, now, it's just plowing through recklessly...throwing people off left and right...he can't seem to turn on the brakes.

It's a bit like a car wreck that you can't turn away from. It's messy and horrifying, but something draws your eyes in its direction. I'm sorry you are still in the thick of it.

Has an MLC-er, that you vets know of, ever gotten married and, THEN, COME TO HIS SENSES to what he's done? I still see him reaching some sort of climax with this MLC...Isn't that just physics that this sort of swirl of energy cannot be maintained forever?

[beatrice]

Job, I am taking my lawyer's advice. What worries me is that if my xh loses the case he will transfer all his assets to his new wife and go bankrupt, leaving me with the big legal bill.

I have written to my lawyer expressing my concerns, and have also written to my three sons advising them that this is going on, and my concerns, and asking them for advice (two of them are lawyers, although not in this area)

I have forwarded the missive and advised xh's lawyers (got a snippy response from them asking me if my lawyers were acting for me Well hello, the last letter you got was from them. Xh has clearly found a snippy lawyer. No surprises there.)

[beatrice]

Exquisite - if OW hasn't twigged he is the one who won't let go she is unusually stupid. Given none of his kids went to his wedding, or have anything to do with him, and I won't have dinner with them (you can't make this up) we are hardly pursuing him

We aren't punishing him either. It is just impossible to have a normal relationship with him

[beatrice]

Heather, I don't know what his problem is, but he seems to be getting worse and worse. I really feel I can't take a lot more of this.

All I want is for him to leave me alone.