It is mind blowing. My ex, sometimes, treats me like everything is ok, other times, like I left him and I wasn' t there for him and rely on me to always be available to care for our kids around HIS NEEDS.. He also doesn' t get that the pain he caused our kids has anything to do with his actions. In his mind, I am, once again, the person to blame for brainwashing our kids. It is a spiral of accusation for justifying their actions and lessen their guilt and shame. I told XH in the past that It might be better if he doesn' t wake up because he couldn' t live with himself if he saw the reality of things. Xh knows he made his bed and now has to lay in it and it angers him. He can' t deal with it so he runs... IMO, he is beyond repair and picks up ladies that are just as messed up as he is. I deserve wayyyyy better. His departure opened my eyes and made me realise that XH didn' t belong on that pedastil I had him on. The only thing I wish he would see is who I was and what I contributed to in our relationship. But again, me and him were one person in his mind and what he felt about himself, he felt about me. It is awful to feel this bad about yourself. I thor me to pieces but I came back.. now, maybe he' ll realise that me and him are 2 separate human being..
