Thanks FY, I think in my case until my W actually went and lived on her own she was never going to allow herself to be happy in the M. She was using her "bad M" as an excuse for her depression/anxiety issues and has backing from her father on this being the cause. For her it was kind of a catch all for why she was just so "unhappy". If she was tense, it was because of me. If she was tired, it was because staying in a bad M was wearing her out. If she had problems with the kids, it was because she can't be truly happy in this bad M and will be so much happier once she is on her own she will be a better mother. It didn't matter what I did or didn't do by this point because she needed her M to be bad or else she would have to look elsewhere for why she wasn't the person she wanted to be. There just isn't a way to get past that until she got what she was so sure was what she needed...to live on her own.
I think with other MLCers they know there is something wrong. They don't feel "it" with their S but they also don't see being on their own as the answer. Once my W decided that was THE answer, the game was lost. The problem there is my W was dumb enough to get a 12 month lease and let her father talk her into filing before she actually left. So, if she starts to see that living on her own isn't the answer, it may be too late.
Hope things really are getting better in your sitch. I like the list of 12 things on the new thread. Wish our MLC S's could read that and understand what it means!
