Dealing with WAW Part 2

[pilot]

You are right about how to approach (today) Thorn. I do not plan on talking schools or anything negative. I want her to leave and drive back on a positive.

I am seriously conflicted here, and why I had hoped to get more advice prior to her arrival. Things went really well all day up to the point I threw a wrench in with the kid talk at the end of our evening. It was kinda like going on a first date and when you are on the front steps of her house about to have that first kiss you blurt out 'oh btw, i have herpes'. Hah.

My concern was things were going too well, and maybe too quickly. I want the path back smooth, but the path back HAS a toll booth so to speak. There are things she has to disclose/discuss. She had plans to stay at a friend's house last night. Well, during our evening, we were talking about the HBO/Starz shows we used to watch all the time together, and how now neither of us really watch any tv at all. One of those was the True Blood show (although I think it has gone down hill since season 1). Neither of us has watched any of the new season. I made a comment in a half hearted manner that we could always stay at my place and see how many episodes we could make it through. She said ok. I think this is what kinda got me. Because when we got back to my place and had helped put the kids to bed and we were downstairs alone together, she was initiating hugs and holding, and at the end of one, she pulled back a bit so our faces were right in front of each other, and this is where it seemed the time COULD have been right for a kiss. The look was in her eyes. My response was to smile nicely, and let go, and say I will help her get her bags into the car. As much as I wanted the night to progress, I did NOT want it to progress without certain steps being met first.

Let me be clear. I do NOT think she is ready to work on M or our R at this time. She may or may not. But I have not gotten any clear signal or indication she is there yet. Yesterday and last night could have been anything from a great 'first date' towards that path to a nice night out amongst friends. Trying to figure out which is pointless (mindreading). I do kind of get the impression she now not only wants to know what I am thinking, but why I am thinking it. An example of why I say that is one of her comments during our evening when she was talking about my appearance (lost weight, new clothes, cologne she liked...all stuff she complimented) she again wondered why I never wore the colors I was wearing while we were together. I said I just felt great and was happy (or something along those lines). When I said I was happy, she asked why. I did not answer her, but I just smiled and after a brief pause, talked about something else.

At any rate, it all goes back to my fear of undetaching. While detached my mind is at relative peace and I have more control. To allow myself to undetach takes away the two things which have been godsends to me these past couple months.