1 step forward, 1000 steps back - part 2

[mdu]

Up early this morning and already worrying about the plan for tonight's discussion.

I know folks have said that it's his mess, he needs to clean it up but shouldn't this ideally be a mutual problem solving discussion?

For instance, one thing I keep thinking is if we just had more time that could make quite a difference. More time to reconnect and rebuild our relationship, more time to work on ourselves, more time to get H home. Basically more time to get our relationship on more solid footing to face this. H could buy us some time by working at home, doing some travel (I could go with him), taking some vacation time.

Is this something I should offer up? I know obviously let H speak first and I would only offer up if it seems like he's genuinely trying to solve and wants my point of view.

What really kills me is the timing of this. Given we are in such a fragile state I just can't imagine it being any worse. I feel like it's so brazen of this woman to do this, I don't know what she knows about what's going on with H and I but obviously she has zero concerns about the potential of facing me or my kids for that matter. It's actually feels a little scary, like I wonder if she's fully expecting to come up here and win H back and if she doesn't, what will she do next? I definitely feel like no matter what I will need to show up at the office at some point to 'mark my territory'. This will be so hard for me, I have very purposely not wanted to ever see this woman because I did not want to deal with a clear imagine of the two of them. She's always been a vague blob in my mind and I really wanted to keep it that way. This is really forcing me to face up to things I was hoping to avoid, maybe ultimately that's a good thing.

One random thought. In terms of keeping it together tonight, I think one thing I'm realizing is I need to focus on myself first and foremost. Just do and say the right things, regardless of what H is doing or saying. That is what I should do no matter what, whether interacting with H or anyone else for that matter. I'm going to keep it to a phone call so I don't have to worry about things like body language, just tone and my words. Also, so I can take some notes and post here for feedback.