She says she's conflicted (part 2)

[25yearsmlc]

OX

I don't think you get what we are telling you. You keep making this about a win lose thing and how bad OM is, and you continue to compare and compete.

Don't. Just work on you. We are not lying to you when we say we see issues in you that need work, and they are not small issues.

You have some serious personal work to do and if you had done it before, maybe you would not be here. \

Just The fight with your wife about HER SISTER calling on a different phone, is an example of what we mean.

That took some negative spiraling to arrive at a place where you saw yourself as a victim in the first place (b/c the sister called a back up phone, you decided it must mean she had cut you out of her life and NOT that she simply did not want to talk with you? That's the thing Ox, why not ask yourself why her sister might want to avoid talking to you and then change how YOU interact with them?)

and then you thought telling your wife that her sister hurt you, was somehow your wife's responsibility (why not tell the sister how you felt?) AND how did you decide the sister was "wrong" anyhow?

Ox, Did you take in what I wrote to you in my last post? You say it gave you something to think about but the next posts from you are the same old thing.

Your anger at your wife for her sister's call, was SO totally out of line for you, and your wife was correct to say you were starting a fight. She even pointed it out to you,--- but you kept at it without a thought that maybe you should stop your mouth...

So give our advice a real try, and dig deep into your soul, bravely, (b/c it takes a lot of bravery to do this, I know)

and figure out why you are so quick to defend, so fast to argue, to deny, to point a finger at others, and to avoid looking in the mirror.

AND CHANGE THOSE TRAITS. Don't explain them or excuse them or figure out how your childhood memories triggered it...this is a solution based site so we work on change and doing what works, NOT doing more of the same stuff that does not work.

You need to work on yourself to change YOU. Do you get that? YOU have to change you. Not your wife, not OM, just you. (Plus you are all you control anyhow, so stop wasting time on trying to fix others).

Start there and let the rest fall into place...b/c if you do the work YOU need to do, the rest really will fall into place and you will be alright in the end. Seriously.