How am I doing this ?

[PeterV2]

Dawgy, I know it's very tempting to reciprocate when she cuddles and then try to take it to the next stage. That used to work when you were originally dating and when you were happily married. Things are different now. You cannot expect sex. If you were to read His Needs Her Needs by Willard Harley (very educational - you can also watch Willard on YouTube) you'll see that women want to cuddle. Men want to have sex. It was my mistake throughout my marriage to interpret my wife's cuddling as a green light to have sex. This is not the case. Especially now since the marriage as you knew it is over.

Yes your marriage as you've known it is over. You have to face that. What you need to do is change yourself. Then maybe you can reconnect with your W, and only then can you create a new path to a new marriage.

I even said to my wife, "I don't want this marriage to continue. I don't want a divorce. I want a new marriage, a new relationship". She acknowledged that. But she hasn't stepped up to the plate yet. That'll take time.

As for snooping, it really does us no good. I did it a few times and even confronted the OM but then W drove up and joined us. Not a pretty scene. You have to let the A run its course. As MWD says most affairs don't last. My W's lasted about 15 months. And even now I'm not 100% sure it's NC. But at least she's not sleeping with him anymore (I don't think). Still, I haven't been snooping so I don't know for sure. But she tells me it's over. Then again she could be lying. She's been lying to me for over a year. See what I mean? Thinking about the A will drive you crazy.

I just need to work on myself, GAL, be happy and independent. Hopefully one day soon she will come to me and ask to reconcile. It's a long, long path but it's the path I'm on. It's the path we're all on.

As for sexual fulfillment, don't expect it from her. It may not even be safe if she's in a PA. Who knows the health of the OM. I would just recommend that you take that matter into your own hand if you know what I mean. It may be a long time before you can expect a health sexual relationship with your W again. That will come after reconciliation, which is still a long ways off.

Just hang in there dawgy. Keep DBing and keep reading. Time to educate yourself. You are your own teacher. Take the time that she's given you now to improve yourself. To become the husband only a fool would leave.